The love poems in Hope Gives a Eulogy are some of my favorite. Because a love story faced with infertility is daunting. But that love story is also stunning in its resolve, commitment, and depth.
This particular moment in “California Redbuds” was one of the hardest in my life. It was like being in a tunnel of pain with no way out. It felt claustrophobic and numb and sharp. Infertility feels like being crushed repeatedly by reality.
After Ben handed me those redbuds, my heart soon collapsed on a friend’s couch (another poem in HGaE) and I just expressed my pain aloud. From the moment of redbuds to my friend’s couch (about 5-6 hours in time) I could breathe outside the tunnel again. And that April night was an incredible turning point for me.
I learned to celebrate/rejoice over new, little life but what I felt was overwhelming loss. Baby after baby after baby while I heard no after no after no after no. This poem expresses the depth of that pain.
Infertility feels like losing your dreams and your life. And it also feels like losing your friends to motherhood itself.
It’s #NationalInfertilityAwarenessWeek and you know what?
There needs to be more poems about how rich a family is with no children.
More poems that end as sad as infertility feels.
More poems giving beautiful wings to our altered timelines and this abrupt grief lasting years.
More poems about complete healing that have nothing to do with pregnancy and birth.
More poems about the moments of intense suffering that turn to a resolve and resilience as we create something lovely, vibrant, and strong for ourselves & for our family, in love, choosing life.
I hope the poems I share this week from Hope Gives a Eulogy voice the unseen story so many women are living this week and countless weeks before & after now.❤ For National Infertility Awareness Week, I’m bringing poems to the table. There aren’t enough. See my stories for things I want you to know as we head into #niaw2021.