infertility · Poetry

Held (HGaE, 5th & final poem)

There are definite themes of the grave in Hope Gives a Eulogy, because infertiliy is the death of many things.

And I know death is a strong term, but I stand by it.

Death of dreams.

Death of who you were & who you’d thought you’d be.

Death of of all that has never existed.

Death of years dragging by with the word no ringing in your ears.

Still God heals, breathes life into the stories we hate, and stays through every stage of us.

Here lies you beginning.

All brokenness and bloom.

No better way to say what God can do with the harshest of realities. Infertility is stark, but the light of God overpowers. So, Hope Gives a Eulogy is a record of that. . .of my infertility story and my God who lived it with me and gave me life in the loss of it.

Order your copy here to read the remaining 91 poems about the awful pain, beautiful miracles, gentle healing, and overwhelming hope + light in the harsh reality of infertility.

infertility

Hope Gives a Eulogy *Cover Reveal*!

HERE IT IS!!🎉😍

In APRIL when you hop on Amazon to purchase Hope Gives a Eulogy, this is what you’ll see! So keep your eyes peeled (what a saying), because Hope Gives a Eulogy will be available for purchase very soon.

April starts tomorrow, folks!!

What a perfect month for this book’s debut. Easter is April 4. Infertility Awareness Week is April 18th-24th. (#NIAW). And Mother’s Day in May is not long after. Springtime for the brokenhearted & grieving can be such a painful reminder of all that is not.

But I believe spring comes.

I believe infertility can be the story without being the story.

I believe it can be spring in your soul when pain is your life.

I believe God can do anything.

I believe Hope Gives a Eulogy will be the words so many women are living and desperately needing to read. I’m waiting with you.

HERE WE GO! And here we stay, full of life, anyway.❤

infertility

Why HGaE Book Will *not* Have Page Numbers

Two things I specifically didn’t want in Hope Gives a Eulogy + WHY. . .

1) Page numbers
2)Table of Contents

Here’s why:

Page numbers would distract from the poetry and I want you to move through the story in the same way I did. I didn’t have an idea of a timeline. Page numbers give direction, but when you’re in the thick of it, you are just IN IT. You don’t know where you are or what’s really going to happen when you turn the page, but you have to turn the page because it’s your life.

-table of contents? I more than likely would have said no to a table of contents any which way you cut that cake, but do you know of anyone who gets to read a table of contents before they live their story?! Me neither! There’s no way to know.

So on these pages without numbers in a book without a table of contents, I learned to grieve, celebrate, stand up, wait long, breathe, hope, be unafraid, dream, trust, and laugh. My soul healed in God.

And I want you to go on that journey as closely as you can.

Forgetting Hope Gives a Eulogy is a book in your hand.

Being in those years with me.

Feeling seen and known as these poems meet you wherever you are.

infertility

I Still Fell Apart

California Redbuds is inspired from the day my younger sister told me she was pregnant. . .

She has been one of the kindest + thoughtful women I’ve known to deliver and live out such good news, but I still fell apart.💔 In so many ways, my husband had to pick up the pieces. Or at least help me start the process.

Some of my favorite poems in Hope Gives a Eulogy are the love poems.

There are so many love stories told through songs and stories, but there aren’t enough telling the beautiful love stories happening in the midst of heartbreak in marriage. I say love stories because there are so many Ben and I have lived together since we got married.

There needs to be more poems about how rich a family is with no children.

More poems giving beautiful wings to our altered timelines and this abrupt grief lasting years.

More poems about the moments of intense suffering that turn to a resolve and resilience as we create something lovely, vibrant, and strong. . .together as a family, in love, choosing life.

I hope the love poems in HGaE give childless couples the songs they’ve never had and words to the story they’re living but have never read.