I had no idea I’d get a rose this big when my little garden began alongside my limping heart on Mother’s Day 2018. It just took about four years to bloom this big, but less than that for me to lift my head and love the life I had.
My encouragement to you is STAY.
Stay in your life. Stay in your days. Stay in your walk with God. It may not turn out the way you wanted it to initially, but in the staying, there will be good, radiance, comfort, stunning gifts and blessings from God.
And you will be blown away by it.
Limping Wings, Trying
I see you with your limping wings, trying to smell the roses, catching yourself on thorns instead.lift your head and breathe. you’re in the garden aren’t you? all in and halfway there!go on, try again. there’s no rushing this kind of life. you fell hard somewhere good.
the only light I will ever know is the way your hand held mine.
thank you for such hope and cheer.
thank you for planting me.
thank you for the celebration in the midst of all our waiting. . .
it didn’t turn out the way we wanted,
but I really loved my life.
I make way for light, the underground of hope.
when it’s a flower, it’s also me. . .
the wellspring of a story,
writing a beautiful thing
without seeing the light of day.
well, that’s the impossible, magical thing
of being the unseen.
-the roots, deep
I won’t be here long,
but I love how long you wait for me.
with eager hope and eyes to see.
we both have wintered well.
let’s enjoy the view.
I am the blush of spring,
and so you are to me.
-the rose bloom
it was safe to be like dirt in a garden yet to grow.
and it was hope to bloom like a wanted thing
from a broken pot of dreams.
and after the burial, the burst of the flower,
who knew this was me. –the gardener
and so the gardener, the roots and rose,
the tree and the seed waited and welled with joy.
life had already been, and it was really good.
but so much more was coming.
first spring, soon after, her.
all garden arms wide open for
the tiniest bundle of sunshine. . .
here comes the gardener’s daughter.
As for the gardener’s daughter? Well, I’ll let her tell her own story as she lives it. I am excited to get to know her as a person! She’s just shy of a month earth-side so we have a million things to catch up on as she grows into herself.
Make no mistake, this postpartum season hasn’t been without tears or overwhelm. It’s been a ride with highs and lows. I took this picture in the garden last week and also took a home video right there with our cat curled up on my lap, my son toddling around, and my newborn daughter resting against me. I know I’ll treasure this 60 second video forever. This particular moment(s) in the garden was much needed and so sweet for me as a mother.
I’m learning so much right now and feeling the discomfort that comes with breaking out of an old shell, working through postpartum healing and hormones, and growing deeper into my life as a mother. I am excited for what’s to come. Postpartum is far from over. But I’m here for it. Here for my life. Here for my motherhood. I am 100% here.