A few weeks ago, I was discouraged. I found myself thinking,

“So this is what faithfulness feels like.” 

I didn’t like the feeling.

But a couple days later, I had another thought. . . a better thought. . . a healing thought–

“So this is what Faithfulness looks like.”

The Faithfulness here refers to God. The God who parted the Red Sea and healed the heartbroken woman who was sick for 12 years. The God who kept His promises while humanity broke trust, violated worship, idolized, adulterated, murdered. The God who forgave, delighted in, and gave people belonging.

The God who still forgives, delights, and causes us to belong!

Who breaks each new morning with mercies instead of letting each new morning break us. Who thinks precious thoughts of me. . . of you. Who lavishes a Psalm 23 life upon us. The God who helps, searches, knows, and still loves. . . both of us. Who powerfully gives us victory over and over and over and over again.

And over again.

But I’ll be honest–

Faithfulness to God can feel like pain to me. I sink into seasons of exhaustion and weariness, of hoping for gentle reprieve. And it feels like bitter cold while I stare at the wispy buttercups of spring.

Yet, the truth always wins over me. I remember what Faithfulness looks like all over again–

A God who works goodness from blessing and burden. A God who gushes thin streams of life in the wilderness. A God who draws a smile with the smallest gifts woven in everyday moments. A God who created us because He wanted us not because He needed us. A God who prepares abundance for us, who emboldens us with His love, who enables us with His strength.

A God who leads us beside still waters, who causes us to rest in Him, who shows us how to claim His peace. A God who hears us and all we cannot say. A God who has clothed us in His righteousness, and set His hope upon our shoulders with His delight behind our sails.

But I swing back.

Because my faithfulness feels like a hollow trial, “I’m here, God. I’m here, God. I’m still here, God.” And my faithfulness  to God screams like, “Help me, God. Help me, God. Help me here, God.”

And His answers looks like–

faithfulness.

“I’m here, Sierra. I’m here, Sierra. I’m thinking of you, and I’m here, Sierra.”

So I listen and I see–

My God who works goodness from blessing and burden. My God who gushes thin streams of life in the wilderness. My God who draws a smile with the smallest gifts woven in these everyday moments. My God who created me because He wanted me not because He needed me. My God who prepares abundance for me, who emboldens me with His love, and enables me with His strength.

My God who leads me beside still waters, who causes me to rest in Him, who shows me how to claim His peace. My God who hears me and everything I cannot say. My God who has clothed me in His righteousness and set His hope upon my shoulders with His delight behind my sails.

This is what Faithfulness looks like.

Wispy buttercups sway in the breeze, and I feel spring.

I hear God’s warmth for me.

And I believe Him.

No matter how I feel.

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