I was gone for awhile.
Beneath the darkest ground.
Cold to the touch– I was hard as death.
I’ll bury myself here.
Nothing can grow from this ash-made piece of me.
I place two hands above the mound.
Bitter cold in the spring. And fast dead leaves in summer.
I put my ashes there.
Vigorously watching—half-hoping for the rain.
Whole-needing Light again.
Cold ashes in the ground. Anything, Anything?
Two hands above the mound.
Nothing, nothing. And I am hard as death. Read more
Healing isn’t always easy, is it? We find ourselves between pain and hope. The end feels far off…and sometimes, there is no end at all to see. Healing takes weeks, months…even years. And the healing we will know now is earth-bound. Our soul is whole, it is strong in the promise of heaven-home with God. But these hearts are often fraught with emotions and broken shards of devastating pain. It is not hopeless as we have God…but it isn’t Sunday school easy either.
There are seasons in which heartbreak feels continuous. And often the breaking is private…sometimes, it’s hard to know it’s happening until the tears break loose refusing to be pent up any longer.
And here you are….your broken heart in shards, fragments, or sharp pieces of dust. You lean into God and you feel nothing, but you choose to believe Him anyway. And in the believing, you find rest…and in the rest you know peace. Suddenly, hope is not unimaginable anymore. You feel love–God’s love–because He’s near and you know it.
And it’s even more beautiful than Sunday school easy. Read more
I share with you my thoughts. But I don’t share all of them. I share with you my struggles, but not every one. And there are many.
But a few nights ago, I was reading and the author posed the question, “Are you being a good steward of your Grace Story?” It made me think. Do I use this blog as a way to show you how God has poured grace upon grace into me? Have I really shown you? Have I written to you my story of Grace? Can you tell by my life, by my words that God is great and He is so very real?
I don’t share with you everything about my life, and I know I never will. But I also know I’ve been hesitant in showing you how God has poured grace into me over the last few months. It’s been an 8 months full of learning, and perhaps not in all the ways that you would expect.
But rather in my very own heart. Parts of me have been uprooted, replanted, watered…and it’s been a painful process. Read more