This poem was inspired by my struggling through the question,
Why is it so easy for some women to get pregnant and others not? How can a woman have two babies before another woman even has one? Or why do some women experience so much pregnancy loss while others never experience deep pain?
And since I believe in God, I KNOW He heals and redeems the stories that haunt us, that come as a result of this broken world. . . I mean, I wrote a whole book of poetry about the beauty God miraculously did in my sotry!
But I still struggle with all the “tiny seeds” that never get to be.
There are definite themes of the grave in Hope Gives a Eulogy, because infertiliy is the death of many things.
And I know death is a strong term, but I stand by it.
Death of dreams.
Death of who you were & who you’d thought you’d be.
Death of of all that has never existed.
Death of years dragging by with the word no ringing in your ears.
Still God heals, breathes life into the stories we hate, and stays through every stage of us.
Here lies you beginning.
All brokenness and bloom.
No better way to say what God can do with the harshest of realities. Infertility is stark, but the light of God overpowers. So, Hope Gives a Eulogy is a record of that. . .of my infertility story and my God who lived it with me and gave me life in the loss of it.
Order your copy here to read the remaining 91 poems about the awful pain, beautiful miracles, gentle healing, and overwhelming hope + light in the harsh reality of infertility.
I learned to celebrate/rejoice over new, little life but what I felt was overwhelming loss. Baby after baby after baby while I heard no after no after no after no. This poem expresses the depth of that pain.
Infertility feels like losing your dreams and your life. And it also feels like losing your friends to motherhood itself.