The Girl with the Hollow Eyes

June 16, 2016 Sierra V. Fedorko1 Comment

I see her walking alone. Her head drooped low. Her back is laden down with a hundred burdens. We are walking the same way, but our footsteps are spread apart. I feel the sunshine on my face–a time of joy for me. But her hair is wet with sorrow–a time of pain for her.

My footsteps slow. I know that our proximity is no mistake. I approach her slowly, the trail of tears making heavy indentation on the ground. I could remember a time I felt the same.

My mind is transported to the darkness that was—after many years–overcome by light. I gather the stinging, yet hopeful memories to my heart and stand beside her with a gift of companionship. I am ready to offer.

She looks at me with hollow eyes, and yet the depth of tragedy is deep. But I have hope and I know hope is in her. It just needs a way out. I reach for her hand and she doesn’t reject me. It is cold with stiff pain. I can remember the feeling. Continue reading “The Girl with the Hollow Eyes” →

Life & Learning

If I Could Go Back

May 19, 2016 Sierra V. Fedorko1 Comment

If I could go back, I would say–

Don’t worry about all the processes involved in growing up. It just happens. You get through it. You learn from it. You move on. You learn to enjoy the process, even the messy parts.

If I could go back, I would say–

Don’t worry about who people think you are. Just keep growing. Just keep making decisions that you know you need to make. Don’t think twice about an opinion that doesn’t matter. Opinions, I have since found, rarely matter.

If I could go back, I would say–

You aren’t at the top. I know you know that, but you’ll really understand how little you are the older you get.

If I could go back, I would say– Continue reading “If I Could Go Back” →

Life & Learning

Valley of Sunshine

April 2, 2016 Sierra V. Fedorko4 Comments

It was a personal battle. An inward fight. I was tangled up in the crumpled mass of emotions that comes with chronic pain. What didn’t seem like a big deal to others was the biggest battle of my young life. It was ongoing and it didn’t stop for anything.

My senior year (2012) was so discouraging. I had doctor appointments so often. I was tested for all sorts of things and they found nothing to account for the pain. I literally felt like my body was falling apart! Would it ever end? It was no longer fear that showed in my life, but the monotony of physical weakness.

In the two years following, there were days that I was overwhelmingly frustrated, and sometimes very sad. I was sick very often, because my immune system was weak. Alongside this, I was strapped down with the never-ending presence of chronic pain.

There were some moments that I was crushed beneath the weight. There were some days that I was on top of the world. There were other days that the pain was so small that I actually felt like a normal human being!! It didn’t take long for me to be reminded that I wasn’t. Continue reading “Valley of Sunshine” →

Life & Learning

I Ignored God

March 17, 2016 Sierra V. Fedorko5 Comments

I used to wonder why. I used to think how. Why would God punish like that? How could He do that? It made me perplexed so I put it away. You cannot successfully argue with God, anyway.

Reading about His justice, His judgement, His righteous anger can make a human despair. Our already carnal minds cannot understand what is hard. And so some of us ignore the reality of His judgement and live in a fantasy. Others of us obsess about it, and then go crazy.

But how could my God–so loving, so comforting--bring justice in like that?

I didn’t want to go crazy, so I ignored it.

I knew I couldn’t understand it, so I expelled it from my mind.

While I accepted that His judgement and justice was right and holy—I couldn’t understand, so I never spent time thinking much about it. How could I? Continue reading “I Ignored God” →