I listen to the rain, pitter-patter. I drink the eggnog. I see the stockings just bought for our very first Christmas. I sit by the lighted tree with those handmade ornaments and all the memories we have already made. Our first dog jumps into the chair with me, to squeeze in beside me.
And I think of moments long-gone. “Oh, it’s only a year ago,” I think to myself. But a year ago? That is long-gone. I can never get it back. I can never live it again. That’s what makes time sweet. That’s what makes it painful.
Before you proposed, you asked me where I wanted it to happen. And when I was a girl, I had dreamed of it taking place in the wide expanse of the desert. But the older I got, and the more I knew you—the sooner my mind changed.
I didn’t want to make more memories at a home where I grew up. I wanted to make a permanent memory somewhere that you loved, somewhere that meant something to you. I wanted to go to your favorite place, a childhood adventure, a spot where I could make an imprint that would start our history together. Read more
A few days ago, I wrote about my relationship with Ben. I ended it with the idea that I cannot truly describe what it is to experience friendship. Real, raw, forgiving, adventurous, lovely friendship fraught with difficulties.
Since, I wrote that post, our friendship has stepped from “relationship” to “engagement”. Honestly, it is so relieving. Ben and I have both been serious about our relationship since the very beginning. Midway through our dating relationship, we talked about the best time to get engaged. And we waited.
Well, I waited and Ben worked hard on ALL those details that men have to figure out in order to ask the most nerve-racking question of their lives. Then one day, (on the 23rd of December to be exact), Ben wanted to take me to his favorite place. We walked behind his house and over the bridge. We strolled along the creek as we admired all those childhood tree fort ruins.
We spread out a blanket and sat down. Ben was pretty nervous and rightly so! I was making light conversation, enjoying the breeze, and waiting. After awhile, we took a walk closer to the creek and stood there for awhile. At this point, Ben was beside himself with nervous energy. I didn’t want to say anything, because there is nothing worse than a girl forcing a guy to say something that she wants to hear! I could see the outline of the ring box in his jacket pocket. So, I kept waiting. 🙂 Read more
Babies. Growing. Girls. Laughing. Women. Learning. Sisters. Always.
Sharing. Failing. Binding. Walls. Safe. Careful. Secrets. Bearing. All.
Adolescence. Us. Dreaming. Perfection. Searching. Living. Carefree.
More secrets. Hidden talk. Higher walls. Deeper love. Discovering boys. Becoming young women. Read more
I walk along the path. This place where everything reaches me. The past. The present. Glimpses of the future. It’s as though time has no existence. I am simply strolling through every memory, crying through every trial, holding every loved one, leaving them just the same. So I walk, led by rose petals. The rose petals that have grown from my heart, that have become actions, and fallen to make a path for me. The path winding in many different ways. So, I walk, remembering.
The wide desert closes in on me as I walk through the vastness, following my rose petals, and the actions that have grown from my heart. I find the gray rose petals littering my pathway. The time I ran from the truth of his past. Running, although forgiving. Too scared to slow down. Too overwhelmed to stop. The gray rose petals begin to disappear as I leave that time. I see red rose petals piling by a swing. I am no longer in the vast desert, but in a place where love had just begun to change me. To show me what forgiveness was, what friendship meant, what together could mean for two people. Red rose petals. Read more