Sierra V. Fedorko

In a whirlwind of happiness following a long season of infertility, Sierra finds herself fearing the future, sudden loss, and figuratively holding her breath for things to fall apart. It is in these years of pregnancy, birth, and early motherhood where she deeply learns to fully embrace God’s good gifts, and to run headlong into happiness whenever it is present in her life. It is in this vulnerability of great joy where she discovers it is just as safe to rejoice with God as it to grieve with Him.

Composed in reverse chronology, Sierra tells that story of safety in God through poems that also serve as a study of time and a love letter to all the beauty within time’s passage.

From infertility to pregnancy, to birth and the beginnings of motherhood,Swan Song of a Scarecrow is a stirring tale of how God’s Presence changes everything, how a woman became a mother, and how she discovered she was safe to run into life like a child. Arms outstretched. Headlong.

Oh my, this book has been 7 months in the making! And there are THINGS TO TELL YA!! I came across a journal from 2020. In it I had actually composed some of the poetry for my first anthology, Hope Gives a Eulogy.

The very first pages of that journal entry begin this way. I’ll give you

These are the days of. . . . .

A very healthy pregnancy after 3+ years of waiting.

Sitting in the doc’s office filling out tons of paperwork for a July baby.

Seeing two lines on a pregnancy test!

Learning to pray dependently, constantly all over again.

Counting down the days + planning how to tell family.

Preparing for Thanksgiving & the holidays with a baby in my womb which has been empty so long

Knowing my purpose in God hasn’t changed even with a baby in tow.

Of reading Psalm 65-66 a lot!

Of learning to celebrate the gift of life within me despite the unknown.

Of memorizing and repeating Philippians 4:6-7

Seeing the baby’s heartbeat!!

Praying to God about the baby by the light of the Christmas tree on Christmas Day.

Things feeling unreal yet getting more real.

Marking July 27th on the calendar.

Maybe you can sense how tentative I felt stepping into this kind of joy. Having spent so long grieving, I first didn’t realize how the constant state of grieving (even in a healthy way) dominated my mental energy. Upon getting pregnant, I was no longer in a perpetual cycle of grief, and I could do other things with that energy. Like write creatively again. Hello, poetry!

And second, I also found it especially difficult to lean into the happiness, joy, and lightheartedness I suddenly held while pregnant and now in early motherhood. I knew my heart in its grief and pain was safe with God. I knew how to trust Him in that way.

But now. . .!!

I had this joy that was very big and loud. I found it difficult to trust God all over again. While Swan Song of a Scarecrow is not a deep dive into infertility (you can read Hope Gives a Eulogy for that), it is almost like a sequel to the story. It’s the life that happens next. And after. And during. And before.

(You’ll see!)

In these personal poems, I weave key moments, stories, and emotions leading me to a place where I learn to trust God with my joy. It turns out trusting God with my joy feels exactly as vulnerable as trusting God with my pain and grief. Just as I am safe to grieve beneath the shadow of God’s wings, I am also safe to rejoice! I am safe to celebrate what is good, right, and well. I am safe to laugh. I can wholly enjoy life in its height of bloom.

By combining polished poetry I have written over recent years with new poems penned specifically for this anthology, I have given you a deep expression of that spiritual growth as a young woman who became a mom and wrestled with the joy of it all.

Swan Song of a Scarecrow not only tells this story of safety in God’s care, but it also serves as a study of time—a love letter to all the beauty that comes with time’s passage and to the stories that grow within marriage, motherhood, and life itself.

I am so excited for you to read every new and old poem within. While there will be some poetry you recognize, it has been powerful to reestablish + present them within this bigger story, to get that story in print, and to share such a personal journey deeply transformed by the presence of God. It is His Presence which changes everything!