On Mother’s Day 2018, my husband and I rolled out of Grocery Outlet with a cart full of flowers. At this time in our marriage, we were awhile into infertility and I had really struggled the previous April, but April also became the turning point toward true healing. We didn’t have grand plans to establish our Porch Garden in May on Mother’s Day, it just happened. Looking back now. . . I know that was a special gift from God.
As I experienced a taste of gardening along with taking care of our two goats (a story for another time), I began to wake up to the life around me. God used flowers and goats to show me I could still nurture life, still be a part of His work whether or not I became a mother.
In May 2018, I began keeping a garden journal of sorts on Instagram, but I eventually realized this special journey needed a place outside the grid. I’m calling this personal collection of Instagram posts turned journals, Garden Lullaby, because before I was a mother, I needed to be sung a lullaby. Still do, really. According to Merriam-Webster’s dictionary, lullaby means “a soothing refrain specifically: a song to quiet children or lull them to sleep.”
Just like a child I literally needed to be quieted in my soul. I was in so much pain. The intensity of being numb was loud and long, but God used the garden as His lullaby to me. . .that all was well even when it wasn’t, that I was blessed though childless, that pain and joy could coexist, that I had life and I was free, that I could celebrate, too.
Here is the garden as it began.
In so many ways,
as I began too.
lullabies to read
A Garden For Mother’s Day (05.13.18)
Dead Things (07.30.18)
My Word for 2018 (09.15.18)
Arriving at the Same Place (05.13.2019)
I Am Not a Mom But I Am a Part of God’s Work (05.24.19)