Sierra V. Fedorko

I can still remember how scared and uneasy I felt that night I was nursing my daughter while the Psalms played in the background. I can still remember the moment I felt that burden of tragedy and loss lift while in the garden watching my son taste his first snow pea. I can trace the outline of those vulnerable days in my mind, and I still savor how the peace of God won out.

It is good to remember…

At times this last July and in early August, I found myself “there” again. This broken world all but closed in, and I found myself desperately praying once more. The peace of God has and does and will prevail! (read this post next)

Though I may not always “be okay” (and am not asked to be), I am helped, held…peaceful, hopeful, and satisfied in Christ. Within Dead of Night, I explore the complexity of one’s trust in God and the ebb and flow of a strengthening walk with Him. It’s a deep dive into the spiritual wrestling, anguish, and triumphs of the Christian faith, but once you come up for air, you realize you don’t have to “be okay” to have a rested spirit and a sound mind. Dead of Night is less about finding answers and more about realizing our reality can be faced with Christ…We are not without Hope even in the worst of times. Isn’t that something?

The following is just one of the rich, honest, and vulnerable poems you’ll read in Dead of Night. Drawing from my own personal experience, I weave a tale that is not only mine, but ours—

Heartbroken, championed in Hope.

Regardless

I don’t see the roses, don’t believe the daisies, can’t recall the seed from which the sunflower bloomed, can’t feel the sunshine resting on my arms, nor the breeze on my skin, nor the joy in my bones. But I stumble on the zinnias I never planted there, and I respond to my son calling out Mom. I can hold my daughter’s small hands in mine, can’t ignore the endless sparkle in her blue eyes, and I must harvest these late summer tomatoes spilling from the vine. So it would seem, though I resist, God’s goodness to me remains regardless of my good feelings. Regardless of my falling apart, my forgetfulness, all my resistance!

Regardless.

Regardless.

Regardless.

I rinse the tomatoes in the sink. Tuck the children into bed. Sunflowers fill the strawberry vase. Bare moonlight where broad daylight had been. Even still, even yet! Light abides, abiding.

Regardless.

Regardless.

Regardless.

-S.V.F.

Dead of Night won’t shy away from the anguish of suffering and spiritual aching in the Christian life, but it also won’t shy away from the hope, peace, and victory we have in Christ all the way through our journey Earthside. Download Dead of Night for free and start reading.💖