There are things that are never forgotten. There are times that will be forever cemented in the mind. There are moments too precious for pictures, too complex for words.
I am part of her world and her world is small. But, she looks up to me. We cook a turkey almost daily. The smiles come easily, and the laugher is never very far away.
She’s running up to me with her tea pot, and a teal colored tea cup. She’s pouring me tea and insisting that I drink everything in the cup. I’m drinking the tea and exclaiming how very good it is.
She’s crawling to me with a book in her hand. She signals please and then she is on my lap. We are reading a story, in fact I don’t even know how this book got published. Where is the storyline anyway?
He’s not too far away. He just learned how to crawl, and he comes to stand in front of me quite often. His smiling face is waiting for mine. I tell him how he’s my favorite little guy. His smile gets bigger. Mine does too.
I heard somewhere that you can only have one lifetime. I don’t know if I agree with that. I feel as though, I’ve spent a lifetime loving these kids. A lifetime is made up of moments and memories, not hours and days. I walk away from each day with a deeper love for the children in my care.
Some days are crazy, and I leave tired and worn out. Some days, God shows me that I am still far too impatient. Some days, I laugh because these kids bring me more happiness than I could have ever thought possible.
I have shared moments with these four kids that no one else will ever know about. There is a history of smiles, laugher, and tears that will always remain among us. People will never know all the details. I’ll never go down in history as the greatest babysitter in the world. In fact, I won’t even be remembered by the 4 kids who lived these 2 years of my life with me. That is alright with me.
I am a Secret Keeper. I will remember the screams. I will remember the times I cried, because how am I supposed to take care of this child?! I will remember when she blew me a kiss after I put her in the play pen, and the time that he leaned his head on my shoulder. I will remember those first few steps. I will remember how she calls me “Sia”. I will remember sitting down for tea while she looks at me expectantly, hoping that I will like what she’s poured into my tea cup. I will remember how music makes her bounce up and down, smiling as though life is only sunny. I will remember the down days, when every child seems to need me. I will remember the times of just sitting and reading with them. I will remember the loooooooooooong minutes of watching them unskillfully pick up toys. I will remember their smiles and their laughs. I will remember the good days and the bad days.
They won’t remember any of this, but I am their Secret Keeper. I’m listening to their jibber jabber. We are having conversations that only we understand, and ones that only I will remember. I am a Secret Keeper, storing up the memories and remembering all the lessons that I have learned. Every day, I learn something new or re-learn things. Four little kids, they hold sections of my heart and somewhere in the middle we have a pile of secrets so big and so fun that the whole world would be jealous of us if they knew them.
So, I think that we will keep them stored away for now.