S K I N N Y

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She wraps her arms tight about herself. Her friends would tell her that since she could do that then she must be anorexic. She must have a food disorder ofΒ  some kind.

And don’t you know that men like curves?

She wraps her arms around herself and the voices she thought she was ignoring come crashing in faster, harder, sharper.

There are no excuses for a skinny girl.

If you are skinny, you are anorexic.

If you are skinny, you should gain weight.

If you are skinny, you immediately offend.

If you are skinny, you should know that men like curves and whatever you’ve got going on there is not enough.

She wraps her arms around herself, and her tears fall unbidden. She knows this shame isn’t real. How could it be? She knows that she was fashioned, made, designed by her Creator.

But sometimes,

sometimes….the words still hurt. She still gave them power.

She wraps her arms around herself and the voices drain. Swirling, spiraling, emptying from her….yet filling the void. She walks through the streets and her head is down. Read more

so-called BEAUTY

~written two years ago~

 

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Uncomfortable.

This is the feeling that I get when reading Christian articles about beauty. Because somehow, and in some way, the article is pointed straight back to me concerning my beauty, and how I’m one of a kind. How I shouldn’t let media paint my picture.

These articles seem to say that I am more beautiful than the world. I am more beautiful than Hollywood stars. I am more beautiful than my size. I am simply a beauty living in a Creation so far gone from its Creator. All I truly know is that I am nothing. I am wretched. At the very core of me is an ugliness that I haven’t even fully realized.

But

Christ has made the difference in me. I am fearfully and wonderfully made ,and this does not make me some holy, righteous model of our so-called Christian beauty. It makes me a lovingly sculpted child of the Creator, and this is far deeper than our version of beauty and being beautiful. Because beauty in the “Christian world” has somehow become just as plastic and fake as beauty in the “media world.”

Because Christian girls are still fighting for acceptance, and they are still looking for someone to deem them beautiful.

Because it is no longer about being fearfully and wonderfully made, it’s about how satisfied we feel in being made this way.

Because somehow, even our “Christ-like” view of beauty is twisted and selfish. The reality is, beauty will never accept you.

Because it was never meant to be our god. It was never meant to be ours. The truth is, you were not made for acceptance in any part of this world. You were made for adoption by the King of kings.

Maybe it’s time that we strive for something else. Because our twisted view of beauty has never been the point of life. And this disillusioned beauty will fail us every time.

Maybe, we should be more concerned about living for God.

Maybe, our gaze should be turned upward instead of inward.

Maybe, the only mirror we need is God’s Word.

Maybe, beauty was meant to be unattainable, because it was never meant to be satisfying. And maybe, we should even thank society for its gnarled view of beauty. Because here it has become clear that real beauty doesn’t exist without Christ.

I don’t want to hear about how beautiful I am despite the media. I want to hear about the One who made me. I want to marvel at the truth that God made me.

In the end, it’s not about how fearfully and wonderfully made I am. It is that God chose toΒ  make me fearfully and wonderfully. He did so in His image, and fully for His glory.

Any beauty that we have does not belong to us, even if we are Christians. Any beauty that others perceive in us is not because of us. Any physical beauty, and any beauty within our hearts is not owned by us. All of beauty, all of you, and all of me belongs solely to our God.

So maybe—

We should write about the Creator instead of the created.

B E A U T I F U L

{AΒ  poem from high school //03.18.12}

There are few in this world.

That grow from a little girl.

Into someone beautiful.

It takes the story of a life.

A laugh in the rain.

A tear in the sorrow.

To truly own the name.

The loss of a child.

The love of a man.

The force of a smile.

When you don’t understand. Read more

How to Survive the Onslaught of Modesty Articles

sierrab-52I have purposefully stayed away from writing about modesty for quite awhile now. Even so, this post will NOT be written about modesty. It will be written to let girls know how to survive this mad onslaught of modesty articles that hit our Newsfeed seemingly every day. This is for the young women who need advice on how to get through this whole obsession with modesty.

I have become greatly frustrated with blog posts about modesty, because just about every single one that I read has pounded me further into the ground. It goes something like this.

First Sentence: You are a woman, and it is a truly beautiful thing.

Second Sentence: POUND! You are dressing wrong. You are living wrong! What are your motives? HUH? HUH?

Third Sentence: POUND POUND POUND! You need to do more of this. And less of this!

And by the last sentence of the entire blog post you are ready to blow something into the sky, because they didn’t really help you. They judged you. Picked apart your motives that must be vile, and then broadcasted the insecurities that you must have because after all…you are a woman. Read more