Life & Learning · My Journey Through Pain

Holding These Hard Things before God

I feel like a broken record these days. I’m so often shouting about how we need to be living our own lives to the brim, accepting them as they are, treasuring the beauty around us, taking in the story that’s written for us….

But the truth is…I am just so burdened for you. I hope that you find the freedom there is in living your life. I hope you are overjoyed with God’s desires, content in your story, and running wild with the delight you can have in Christ.

The more I have learned to accept my life in its wholeness and heartache, the more I want this joy for others. It is not joy because I have a good life; it is joy because I have a good God. It is not what I believe to be true about my life, but what I believe to be true about my God.

I struggle, as you know. I rail against the walls before me and I sink in discouragement, but the morning always comes and with it the remembrance of God, his love and faithfulness. And I can’t stay in the darkness laid before me. I am urged to rise…to rise…TO RISE.

I look around me and see all these opportunities to savor the life around me. And it is worth savoring. It is worth the effort to see beyond my own expectations and take in the world around me. I do not write from a broken heart. I write from a whole heart…a heart that’s learned that pain and suffering always has a road that leads straight to the shadow of God’s wings.
Continue reading “Holding These Hard Things before God”

My Journey Through Pain

Reflections of a Falling Heart

victory 2

 I told myself to count the things that were different after I had surgery. I want to remember every bit of recovery. The tears have fallen so freely since April 2nd. I still can’t believe that I’m not fighting this battle anymore. I’m done calling doctors and done making appointments. I’m done filling out paperwork for this particular pain. I’m done. And God has provided. He has seen! El Roi.

I don’t tire of this Name. I begin my prayers to Him with El Roi.  But a couple weeks after surgery was complete— Continue reading “Reflections of a Falling Heart”

Life & Learning · My Journey Through Pain

Better Than a Fairytale

victoryAside from feeling that someone cut me open and had a fight with my insides, I’m feeling great! Still amazed that this surgery came to pass. I think my God is pleased to know that I am still in wonder, still in amazement at the miracle He worked. I won’t try to describe to you the wads and wads of red tape that I (and everyone who helped me) had to work through to just get to where I was last Thursday. We will just start with the phenomenon that I finally had a surgeon!

So as the responsible adult that I am (HA), I decided to schedule two appointments. The first for a general rundown of my diagnosis & the second for a possible surgery if we got all the paperwork done in time. Of course, it would be stretch to do all that in the space of a week. However, I had finally learned two lessons when working with all things medical.  Continue reading “Better Than a Fairytale”

Life & Learning · My Journey Through Pain

El Roi; The God Who Sees

El Roi, I said as I walked toward the white gate.

El Roi, I whispered as I knelt down where so many frustrated tears had been cried.

El Roi, I thought as I read the book of Mark.

And a certain woman, which had an issue of blood twelve years….

El Roi.

And had suffered many things of many physicians, and had spent all that she had….

El Roi.

And was nothing bettered, but rather grew worse. 

El Roi. Continue reading “El Roi; The God Who Sees”