Last year, while I trudged (and sometimes dragged) myself through the struggles, I realized something that changed the way I waged the war. In the midst of the valley, I found myself fighting for joy. I found myself fighting to keep my hope in God. I was fighting to keep my thoughts on reality, firmly fixed in the truth, and I was fighting against sadness. This fight was so tiresome….and so, so hard.
But when I decided to stop fighting for hours at at time, I just sunk in defeat. I sat mad at God. I said, this is despair, this is worthless, this is the deep hole I’m staying in. And you know what? That was absolutely hard…giving in to the flesh will only bring hardness to an already bruised heart.
A child of God cannot despair forever, the light always breaks through. The weary heart is washed in grace, and the fighting begins again. Thus a realization began to take root in my heart, which eventually grew into my life.
Simply the question–
Continue reading “What Kind of Hard Will You Choose?”
Dear 13-year-old me,
You dreamed of the big stage and the bright lights. You had wild dreams and those dreams were worth pursuing, but somewhere along the way, actual life will happen and your bright light dreams will turn into totally different dreams. It will happen really slow and unexpectedly. It will be confusing at first, but eventually it will make sense.
You won’t need the big stage to be happy. You won’t need the bright lights for fulfillment. You’ll realize the best and only way to live. And your best living won’t happen on a stage. To be honest, God’s big plans for you will look rather small at first, but then they will grow without fear or regret. They will grow under grace and with great freedom. It will be like looking at a miracle and realizing you’re living one.
Continue reading “Dear 13-Year-Old Me, You're Gonna Love Ministry”
I love the way the sun filters through the window of our little home. I love vacuuming on Saturdays and watching the dog hunt something mysterious beneath the ground. I love flipping the new page of my day calendar and watching the rain fight to be snow.
I love little smiles and big uncontrollable laughs. I love listening to an imaginative game I might have played once. I love being surrounded with bright colors and well-worn dolls twice loved a decade later.
I love laughing with my husband and watching his face crinkle up. I love that it’s just the two of us for now. I love grocery shopping and making plans to budget better. I love listening to the same Christian music over and over again to keep my mind on truth. I love that my husband doesn’t mind the replays at all.
I love deep conversations with a good friend that don’t end until 12 am. I love squeezing a lot of people into our tiny home and maneuvering between the sink and the table. I love that they know which mugs I have in the cupboard, and I love that I get to make a full pot of coffee for the people in my life.
Continue reading “Things I Love about Life”
I’m at the end of myself screamed the woman who desired a husband. I’m at the end of myself screamed the wife struggling deep within her heart. I’m at the end of myself screamed the mom exhausted in ways she could hardly explain. I’m at the end of myself screamed each one with burdens big and painful.And all the women screaming were shaking strong, tired fists and learning what sacrifice really meant. While differing heartache brought them here, they each sat in the wilderness just the same. When every women lost her voice there was nothing left to do, but seek Rest and pray for all this heaviness to depart. Continue reading “I'm at the End of Myself”