In my first year of marriage, I’d get angry at Ben and be in huffy puffy clouds of silent smoke. I’d set up a little pity party, only invite myself, and sit there WAITING SILENTLY for my husband to GUESS his next right move. The moves better be right, you know! I bet you any spouse has done this. It’s an old trick in the book…that never works, of course.
It didn’t take long for me to realize that my husband couldn’t succeed because I’d purposefully blocked all roads to success. I gave him no help. I wanted him to fail. His failure made my pity party so much better. His failure further validated my hurt. His failure meant I had control. Oh, I’d never be pity partying for too long, but that’s a disgusting place to live nevertheless.
I’m no marriage expert, but I do know that you have to help each other succeed. If you don’t show each other the right steps to restoration, your pity parties are going to be awesome and your marriage is going to suffer. You won’t build a strong marriage by sitting in angry silence. Reading minds is not an easy language to learn, and you gotta stop wasting your time on it! If you want help, ask for it! If you want to go out, suggest it! If you want to do something special for Valentines Day, plan something together!
Let him show you how he needs to be loved. Show him how you need to be loved. Speak up when he hurts your feelings. Listen up when you hurt his. Stop the cycle. Change the script together. Don’t laugh at each other, laugh with each other. Cheer on each other in public, but especially do so in private. Show each other the way instead of running away. Be noticers, instead of nags. Do what it takes to help each other succeed! That’s it! The end! My one simple tip!
Helping each other succeed is so important….maybe one of the best ways you can love each other today. Don’t sit in huffy puffy clouds and throw fantastic pity parties. Those places are ugly and they steal from your marriage. Instead, make your marriage a place where success is always possible, and celebrating each other is a daily occurrence. Here’s to happy marriages instead of huffy puffy ones!
Cold Hot Dogs (an embarrassing marriage story)