Last Wednesday, I was struggling to find motivation to live my day. There are some days that you’d just rather “get through”. Nothing in-particular was making the day difficult, I just had no desire to seize it & live it well.
I took a nap, an evening walk, and did relaxing things….but nothing broke my ho-hum heart. So it got to 11 something at night and I had just “gotten through” the day. I wasted hours because I didn’t feel up to it. I hate feeling indifferent about life, because life is LIFE. It’s not indifferent. It shouldn’t be wasted or “gotten through”.
Late Wednesday night, I decided that on the following day, I would read my Bible at work if I was still feeling ho-hum and unmotivated. And I definitely still felt disinterested in life.
My friend (who lives all the way in Ohio) was texting me about my day. Through that conversation, I remembered what I had decided to do the day before. Only I hadn’t done it yet, so after texting her back, I grabbed my Bible from underneath my work desk and found Psalms 31, a beautiful passage that I urge you to read.
And while I’m not facing a battle with physical enemies, the overwhelming truth of God still breaks through the ho-hum heart and urges me to LIVE.
For You are my rock and my fortress; and for your name’s sake you lead me and guide me; (vs 3) Into thine hand I commit my spirit: You have redeemed me, O Lord, faithful God. (vs 5) I will rejoice and be glad in your steadfast love, because you have seen my affliction; (vs 7). -ESV
Why don’t I just copy & paste the whole passage!
Guys, these truths!
My ho-hum heart was broken. How could I live so unmotivated when my God is my Rock & Refuge! How can I walk around in a gray haze when I am redeemed, safe in steadfast Love, and assured that God sees and KNOWS the affliction of my heart & soul…the very in between of every heartbeat. I read chapter 31 and I re-read it, holding onto verse 7 with my whole heart. And—
Oh, how abundant is your goodness, which you have stored up for those who fear you. -(vs 19a)
Abundant goodness! Not just goodness until it runs out…but God’s goodness that never runs out…a faithful, loving, sovereign goodness. This is the God I can pray to every day. This is the God of my life…the God of my day! And here I live with a ho-hum heart, an overwhelmed spirit, a taken for granted life.
It took me almost 48 hours to realize the great danger I had been in. I just chalked up my unmotivation to the monotonous, “funk” days that we all run into. I had assumed that nothing major was going on in my heart. I had decided that it was a day I just had to “get through” so I could see another day where motivation and life sprung at me happily & easily. But the truth is alarmingly simple and dangerous–
I had stopped thinking about God
He wasn’t a part of my day. I disregarded the importance of dwelling on His truth. I looked at the minutes & hours as things I had to “get through”. And of course I did, because my heart was drained of the hope, joy, and purpose found in God. I fell hard into my own world where things existed for me…instead of my existing and LIVING for God.
But as Truth washed over my desert-dry heart, hope was born again and joy broke through the dust. Life without God isn’t life at all. My tired heart lives within a redeemed soul, but the only thing to wake its slumber is God’s truth…His overwhelming love and abundant goodness.
I will not pretend with you. I get lost in my own world so quickly. I get caught up in my own heartaches and struggles. I drown in my own expectations and desires. I make this desert-dry heart crack with longing.
A New beginning is born when I think about God again.
Do you know how many times I have to start over? Multiple times a day! Isn’t it wonderful that we have a faithful God, abundant in goodness, who knows and loves our volatile hearts! Isn’t it wonderful to have a God who is ready to heal our deep sorrows, struggles, and afflictions! God’s Truth pours through the cracks, and His hope washes rain over the driest corner.
We need only think of Him!