(originally shared on Facebook)
I wish I knew how to say all this clearly!
But here goes…..
Part of me has felt like quitting! With all the blogs and FB pages shooting up everywhere, I have felt like killing my voice. Because I would hate it so much if you felt like my words were a constant barrage of fake fluff. And there’s a lot of fluff out there!
My heart is in the throes of change again, and I am not ready to quit sharing words yet. But I want you to know that this sharing space is not a place to puff myself up. I’d admit that I am selfish and vain…and sometimes I write for my own foolish pride, but I am willing to give up all of this if it ever becomes the idol of my life. And let me be honest, there have been seasons that this has been exactly that…an idol.
But my heart is changing, resolving ever more firmly to fix its gaze on God. I am excited to share myself with you. And I want you to know that I’m going to be honest and transparent, not so I can gain your affirmation and praise, but so that we can encourage each other to keep on fighting and living for God. The Christian life is FAR, FAR, FAR from easy! And I want this place to be a gathering together of encouragement and joy in the Lord.
There are so many loud voices out there…. literally everywhere. I am overwhelmed and want to shrink back and delete my own…but for right now…I don’ think that’s the right answer. If there ever comes a time when I believe God wants me to delete my blog and get rid of my FB page, I’m going to do it and I won’t look back. But I am not sure that now is that time.
My heart is returning…again…to my God who makes it whole. I am determined to be transparent with you, not to make much about my problems…. but to make much about our God!
My desire is that you feel just as much a part of this Down Cottonwood Lane community as I do. I want you to be safe here, to be challenged, to be encouraged, and to get a breath of fresh air from the loud chaos around us! I sincerely want to write for the benefit of your heart…and for the worship of our God. I cannot convince you that this is honest vulnerability, but I hope there comes a time when you don’t have to be convinced.
May we share this life, lift our hearts in praise to God—and if need be, hold them steady for each other. That’s my hope for all of this!
So, I am determined not to kill my voice, as long as my voice is dedicated to God. And I need you to know that this evening.
I love having you here!
Thank you for taking your time to be here.