If I Could Go Back

If I could go back, I would say–

Don’t worry about all the processes involved in growing up. It just happens. You get through it. You learn from it. You move on. You learn to enjoy the process, even the messy parts.

If I could go back, I would say–

Don’t worry about who people think you are. Just keep growing. Just keep making decisions that you know you need to make. Don’t think twice about an opinion that doesn’t matter. Opinions, I have since found, rarely matter.

If I could go back, I would say–

You aren’t at the top. I know you know that, but you’ll really understand how little you are the older you get.

If I could go back, I would say–

Feel things. Let yourself feel things. Don’t bury all your emotions so far under that you are unable to work through the hard, painful, ongoing trials. Let yourself feel. Don’t get lost in feelings, but FEEL!

If I could go back, I would say–

You won’t regret handing your private journal to your friend. Doing that will swing wide the doors that will help you be open to the people who need your transparency the most. Keep being honest.

If I could go back, I would say–

You won’t regret all those doctor appointments. You won’t regret the hard nights and the hundreds of times you cried. You just won’t regret it. You’ll learn about the joy of life. You’ll be thankful for all the pain you’re going through now.

If I could go back, I would say–

You won’t regret the betrayal you feel now. You won’t regret how you handled it. Of course, you’ll learn how to handle it better in the future, but you won’t regret the way you walked through that betrayal and heartbreak. Keep going. Keep walking.

If I could go back, I would say–

Popularity doesn’t matter. This world isn’t your home. You won’t be here forever. Popularity just really doesn’t matter.

If I could go back, I would say–

You are a person with a valuable mind and a vulnerable heart. Let yourself grow. Do not be obsessed with perfection. You can’t do all the right things for all the right people in all the right ways for all the right reasons.

You will fail.

It will hurt.

But you will realize that you are not in a rush to learn everything, to be mature in all points, to be perfect to everyone, and liked by the world. You will know the futility of shaping to perfection, and finally understand the blessed security of fitting perfectly into God’s hand.

Let yourself grow.

And today, I would tell myself—

Stop looking back. You are here. You are growing. And the rate you are doing so is just fine.

Be pliable.

Be firm.

Be open.

Be willing.

Be confident.

******

Previous Posts:

It’s OK to Break Down

Encouragement for the Writer

G AU NT: a story of obsession