Dear 19

I’m in a closet. Remembering my year as a 19 year old. Strange how time moves so slow. Yet so fast.

I welcomed you in with a fresh view on life and have ushered you out with the experience that comes with 365 days.

And just like that, my 365 days are gone. Dear 19, you’ve left me almost as fast as you came.

You left me with memories, conquered battles, persisting trials, and even still….pain. Just like 18. I’m still in the midst of this valley.

Yet as time moves, the valley looks less barren. The trees of God’s upholding strength are more prevalent. The daylight longer. There are songs in the night. A valley that has become so unlike a valley.

And here I am. Twenty. Dear 19 has passed away, and even if I feel unready, new life has come upon me.

I welcome Twenty with open arms and closed eyes. God, give me the strength to hold what you have here for me and the wisdom to always see You, though I cannot see the unfolding.

And a marriage looms before me….two shall become one. Changes, new transitions, sweet companionship. Give me the grace to be teachable.

I am in the midst of dear 20. Just like last year, this year is not promised to me. Perhaps it is, but I cannot know it. My only known breath was my last. Even so, I welcome you, Twenty.

And dear 19, what a gift to behold! The truth is that I cannot even remember much of you. Only that God’s strength has brought me here. Every day lived has not been on my own. I am completely dependent on God. It is a miracle that I lived through all of you.

Just a handful of days ago, Ben and I were almost in a severe car accident. But we weren’t. All because of God, I have lived all of you. I praise my God for this year.

And for every part of dear 20 that I have, I sing this song:

I love you, Lord.
And I lift my voice.
To worship you.
O my soul, rejoice.
Take joy, my king, in what you hear.
May it be a sweet, sweet sound in Your ear.

Whatever breath I have, dear 20, it doesn’t belong to you. It belongs to God.