I think we all fight for it. Perhaps, it’s the war against ourselves. Or simply the need to succeed. We fight to be worth it. We fight to be worth something. And we fight hard for it. The pressure to be the best at something overtakes us. We stay up late, get up early, pin inspiration, post motivational articles, write to-do lists, endlessly search for that one thing that we can do effortlessly, and willingly spend our time to become that better part of us.
But I think one of the greatest lessons that I ever learned from my best friend is simply to walk with God day by day. We get so caught up doing this or that. We have to better our appearance. We have to say just the right things. Exercise just the right way. Write something that will relate to everyone. We just have to be awesome all the time. And it’s not like we are trying to do our best for God either. We are just trying to do our best for us. Because we want to be worth something. We want to walk into a room and be worth it.
I think that I hit some of my most “worthless” times last year when I was seemingly sick every 2 weeks. And struggling with daily pain. I just felt like nothing. I couldn’t do this. I couldn’t do that. I couldn’t work out like I used to. I couldn’t go to work when I needed to be there. I couldn’t go to social things because I just had too much pain. I felt so below my potential, because I knew that in prior years, I could do so much more.
I’m so glad that God took away the abilities that I used to have. At this point, I can’t lift anything heavier than a gallon of milk. I am physically incapable. But last year, I would tearfully tell him….”I just feel like I’m half of what I should be. Sometimes, I wonder how much more I could get done if I didn’t have all this pain.” But then Ben taught me that all I need to do is walk with God. Every day. All I have to really fight for is my walk with God.
I don’t have to walk into the room and everyone know that I am worth something. I have to walk into a room with love for everyone standing there.
I don’t have to worry about what others will think or say when I can’t make it to social events. I just have to pray for them in fervor.
I don’t have to write amazing blog posts to be worth something. I simply have to write for God. Every word within this white space must be used at its full potential for my God.
I don’t have to be dating, engaged, or married to have any sort of standing on social media. I just have to be clearly using my social media to further God’s glory.
I don’t have to find that one thing that will define me in this world. My life just needs to justly define the God who saved me from my wicked darkness.
Someone recently told me, “I just feel like I have to be worth something to be noticed. I feel like I have to be good at something to be seen.” Ah, my dear, I think we all feel that way.
But the real issue is not that we fight to be worth something, but that we fight for what is worth it: our walk walk with God.
“Let us hear the conclusion of the whole matter: Fear God, and keep his commandments: for this is the whole duty of man” Ecclesiastes 12:13