I watch them run around the room in childish abandon. I listen to them talk in the jibber jabber I am becoming accustomed to. And, if I’m honest….it doesn’t sound like a different language to me anymore.
I hear those little voices saying something, looking at me, wanting me listen, and I do. I am listening to them, no matter the jibberish that comes out. I watch their expectant faces. I see their excitement as they run to give me a hug.
I look into the eyes of children that will see both good and evil. I hear the voices that will one day cry out in anguish and joy. I hear the laughter that hasn’t been touched by anything but silly antics. I watch the arms reach for a hug and they reach me every time.
I look through the eyes of a young woman, because I am not a mother. But, I see glimpses of motherhood. I see it when they need me…. even when I am less than myself. I see it when I’m praying for patience. I see it when I am changing diaper after diaper. I see it when each day becomes a set schedule. I see it when they smile at me. I see it when I have to wipe away the tears of child who is experiencing pain…no matter how small that pain may seem. I see it in the real laughter that we share together. I see it by the way my heart has grown and changed because of them.
I am not a mother. I have not experienced that burden and joy, but I have glimpsed it. I have held the hands of a child that will one day hold another. I have made a child laugh, who will one day experience greater joy than the happiness we have shared. I have listened to a child’s jibber jabber who will one day speak intelligently and passionately. I have wiped away the tears of a child who will one day comfort someone. I have loved this child, but in no way, will my love be the deepest they ever know.
These are just glimpses.
I am not a mother. Not yet, anyway. I have a lot to learn before then. A lot more to learn than just changing diapers and keeping schedules. So, I will keep on learning, embracing the responsibilities that come my way. I will enjoy the children that I am privileged to care for. Because, I know that even the tiniest exchange between us is a glimpse into motherhood. And, they will teach me at any moment if I let them. So, for now, I learn.
I’m all grown up now. At least, as far as grown up is right now. I know I have a long way to go. Because in many ways, I am still a young child learning everything for the first time.
2 thoughts on “I Have Glimpsed Motherhood”
It’s definitely a lot like this. I think the hardest part to understand until you are there is the immense gravity of being completely responsible for this individual – not just physically but spiritually, emotionally. You are it. That’s not something you can ever set down. It’s with you when your head hits the pillow at night and is there from the moment you wake up (and all of the moments in between). I think that was something that really scared me – so many times I just wanted to run away – not forever. Just for a day or a week – to NOT be responsible for just a brief time and then come back refreshed and more able to take on that challenge. It’s really only been this year when I’ve finally had a chance to do that, but for a long time I felt trapped and stuck. Not all the time, but there were moments, you know? Great post.
Thank your for your input! I love hearing from mothers what it is REALLY like even though I will not experience it personally until I am a mother. I find it interesting & important to ask mothers what it is like so I may see from their perspective what I can’t see quite yet & what I am unable to feel, at least for now! Thank you for the comment! Awesome:)